I remember those carefree days before I had children. The days where I would look at other mothers, silently judging them in my head, saying to myself, “When I am a mother I will NEVER let my child eat a candy bar for lunch.” I will be the mother that has perfectly obedient and polite children that scatter sunshine and roses wherever they go.
Then I had one child. Then I had two more. Let me tell you. It’s not all sunshine and roses. There are definitely moments of sunshine, but then there are moments where you want to lock yourself in your room and if you hear the word “mommy” yelled one more time your head is going to explode. So I decided to make a list of common “Mommy Myths.” I think we hear about the sunshine and rosy moments way too much. Let’s face it. We all have those days where we don’t get out of our pajamas and let the kids watch t.v. all day. Of course every day isn’t going to be perfect. That’s life. As mothers we put WAY too much pressure on ourselves. So if you have those less than stellar mommy moments, here’s a few things to make you feel a bit better about yourself.
Myth: I’ve read the books. I will have my baby sleeping through the night by four weeks, easily.
Truth: You probably won’t be sleeping through the night again for 18 more years. Prepare yourself. Poop, bad dreams, throw up, stuffy noses, crying for no reason, bored, potty, these will all be common themes in your life from now on. Don’t ever plan on a good night’s sleep. The second you do is the second it doesn’t happen.
Myth: I will never be the mom that has spit up on my shirt or baby food on my pants.
Truth: I currently have a three month old and I ALWAYS have spit up on my shirt. Plan on it unless you want to do 7,899,333,309 loads of laundry a week. Which you will do anyway. And when you feel like the laundry is done there are sixteen more loads to do. (I loathe laundry.)
Myth: I will never be at a grocery store with a screaming child. They will stay in the cart and they will behave themselves.
Truth: There will come a moment. There will come a moment when your child is screaming. You will be sweating. You will be praying they get up off the floor so you don’t have to follow through with your threat to leave the cart of groceries and take them home to their room. And yes, I promise that someone from church/school/gym will be there to witness that event. Because that’s the way it works.
Myth: My child will never ever say “mine” or “no.”
Truth: I guarantee those will be the first words your kids learn.
Myth: I will never let my kids eat food off of the floor.
Truth: I have seen my kids not only eat plenty of food off the floor, they have chewed on shoes, keys, purse straps and every other nasty thing you can think of. It will happen. And somehow they miraculously survive. And there are times that keeping that child from screaming trumps the risk of germs.
Myth: My child will never say, “I hate you mommy!” We are going to be best buddies.
Truth: Your child will say these words. My second daughter’s favorite is, “You the stinkiest mommy in the whole world!” Don’t take it personally. They still love you.
Myth: My children will eat only healthy breakfasts. In fact I will make them whole grain pancakes every single morning before school.
Truth: If Poptarts and cinnamon toast crunch count as a healthy breakfast than I have totally nailed this one.
Myth: My children will be open to new foods and textures. They will love all vegetables and fruits and will have a natural disdain to any sweets or sugars.
Truth: I defy anyone to get their kid to try new things. Seriously I have one child that will only eat one particular brand and flavor of macaroni and cheese, broccoli tastes like dirt and that chicken is spicy and sour. And no, I don’t think green nasty spinach smoothies and sneaking sweet potatoes in their spaghetti counts. (That’s cheating.)
Myth: I will always give my child choices. They need to be their own person and make their own decisions.
Truth: If you are cool with your child wearing their princess dress ups for school each day, eating candy bars for breakfast, lunch and dinner, watching movies from the minute they get home until they choose to go to bed at midnight, go for it.
Myth: My child will never push, bite, kick, hit or do any of those things.
Truth: If you do have more than one child I guarantee one of them will do one of these things. And yes, you will be embarrassed and horrified. And there is nothing you can do about it because they will do it again. You will watch in horror as they approach a child smaller than them and gasp in disbelief as they give that unsuspecting child an enormous shove. Luckily it’s a phase that they generally grow out of.
Myth: My kids will love to do their chores and will happily clean their rooms.
Truth: They will hate cleaning, unless it is something that inconveniences you such as vacuuming or doing the dishes so they can play in the dish soap. They also possess a unique gift. The gift of destroying a room 10x faster than it took you to pick it up.
Myth: I will always get ready, put my make-up on, and get dinner ready for my family every single day.
Truth: When you don’t, and believe me there are days that you won’t, you just use the excuse that you were cleaning all day long and didn’t have a second to get dressed. And when you look at your house and it isn’t really clean just remember that unique gift those kids possess of destroying 10x faster. As for making dinner every night? Let me introduce you to my good friends Little Ceaser and Chick-fil-A.
Myth: I will have a tight tummy just like I did before I had children. No muffin top for me!
Truth: Unless you have a very unique set of awesome genes or you are a celebrity with unlimited access to plastic surgeons you better get comfortable with Mr. Muffin Top because he isn’t going anywhere. Saggy deflated balloon skin is also a friend that is here to stay.
Myth: I will not only be the best mommy in the world, but also a professional photographer, most physically fit, craftiest crafter, sew all my children’s clothing, teach myself to play the cello, start my own etsy shop, read sixteen books a month and review them on my book blog and I will have my house spotlessly clean all the time.
Truth: Though you may achieve some of these things, and a major kudos to those that do, there’s a better chance that the sign of a good day is everyone got dressed, fed, made it to school on time and you were able to get some form of dinner on the table. And there is nothing wrong with that.
So to all of you moms feeling the pressure, just remember we have all been there, or will be there at some point in our lives. Being a mom is the most challenging and rewarding job in the world. Hopefully we can always see the silver lining and be able to laugh a little bit through it all.
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Great article Annie! Thanks for sharing!
Thanks Lucy! That means a lot!
I just had to laugh at this – so funny and so true! Nice work, Annie!
thanks Kellie!
I so needed this today. I am feeling accomplished that both kids are dressed and I had a shower before 3!
Isn’t that the truth!
Considering I have one in the newborn stage..I LOVE the “You probably won’t be sleeping through the night again for 18 more years.” LOVE this. Such a fun read..I love your writing style, Annie.:)
Oh how I wish I could see your newborn with my newborn. Thanks for the comment Kiki!
Loved it, lived it! You’re a great writer, Annie!
Thank Sarah!
Thanks Annie! I was feeling pretty terrible about the kind of mother I’ve been all week (3 crazy boys + 1 mom trying to pack up a house all by herself = one grumpy mom). I hope they still love me. This article made me feel A LOT better about myself. Great job, it is all so true!
Oh my goodness, good luck with all the packing. You should feel great about yourself! You are one of the best moms I know.
Annie, you said it perfectly. What a great post. Xo
Thank you Kristie!
this was so great annie. its so nice to read stuff like this and realize that i’m not alone in the world! my favorite was the part about them eating stuff off the floor. sara’s favorite thing to naw on is scott’s shoes. its absolutely disgusting and i usually dive across the room to stop her but i admit there have been one or more moments when i’ve let her do it just to make her happy for two seconds while i got something else done. so sad. but so true!!!
I would like to see if there is a mom out there that hasn’t had their kids chew on a shoe once or twice.
Oh, Annie, I’m so happy we found each other. You need to call me soon.
I’m happy we found each other too! And I DO need to call you!
Loved reading your article Annie. What a darling mom you must be and in hilarious Phillips style might I add!
Thank you so much Jody!
Heck, these days I usually sneak in a shower every other day…and that’s just so when my hubby lays down by me at night he doesn’t crinkle his nose and say “did you forget deodorant today?!” loved the article, I laughed at everything!!
Annie, you are so great! Awesome article.
Thank you sister!
Oh my goodness Annie! When did you start this you talented thing. I absolutely loved it and can relate to everything! It is so refreshing to hear the truth of being a mom as well as the blessings. Sure love ya!
Love you too Heather!
You said it perfectly. Everyone knows this and they are lying if they don’t agree! Thanks for the good laugh.
So glad you enjoyed it.
So it is true. I’ll never sleep again!? I guess im beginning to realize it’s not just a phase.:) Great writing! Fun website!
NEVER again. Well you’ll sleep more than you are now. Newborn phase is the worst. Thanks Ally!
My little sister is constantly pointing out parenting faux pas she thinks I commit.. I loved reading this and knowing that I am not alone.. it’s totally ok that my little girl had half a piece of & a few reeses pieces for breakfast right?!?
Nothing wrong with that at all! We all definitely have those days don’t we?!
Great Work Annie. I laughed out loud. And I could totally hear your voice in my head as I read it.
thank you Andrea! I can’t decide whether you could hear my voice is a good thing or not though
Crocks are our favorites to chew on around here and we don’t have any dogs! You are awesome Annie!!
thanks Meg! Miss you! And crocks are delicious.
Isn’t it the truth!? Miss you Jami!
Annie you’re a gem–I love this post and will definitely pass it on. Thanks for the laugh and for helping me see that I’m not alone! Take care!
You’re welcome. Thanks for the comment!
LOVE this Annie! I needed it today. So true. So true.
thanks Tara! Hope you are doing well!
Annie, I loved this. I can totally relate with a two year old and a three month old. In fact I’m still in my sweats and have spit up on my shirt and it’s 7:25pm.
I didn’t even realize I knew the author til I saw your picture at the bottom. You are a great writer!
Thanks Noelle. So nice to know we’re not alone.
Annie, thank you for this! What a refreshing reality check – so hilarious and so true!
Thanks Sarah! So glad you liked it.
Annie I enjoyed your writing. Everything you said is so true even when they over the age of 18 they still need their moms for something.
thanks Carol! Both of your comments mean so much.
Somethings never change. I’ve turned in my tantrums in the store for midnight to two o’clock a.m. cram sessions with my college age daughter down to fifth grader son. I guess Emmy at nine can still make me write lists and plan strategy for getting into and out of a store in less than seven minutes flat. It was fun to read about your fun life. All those not perfect days sure make the perfect days absolutely Beautiful! Funny memory, When Benjamin was four he turned into my cooking critic. Every night he hated all the food I fixed. One evening he turned to me and asked, “Don’t you ever make any good food?” Yes, he still loves me and his opinion about my cooking has improved. He doesn’t remember saying that, but it is etched in my heart.
Lynda! Thank you so much for the comment! I guess this list will apply for me for many years to come!
Annie I always love reading and hearing your stories
Thanks again Carol!
Very nicely put Annie, you are such a good mom and maybe you say all these things are myths but you must have me fooled because everytime I see you, you are put together and your girls are all dolled up so I think you are super mom!